October will soon be over, and we have put the clocks back. That should have brought two more birthdays because my brother (pictured) and I were both born in this month, but, tragically, he only made it to 36. Even his children have now lived longer, and I have been here over twice that, despite what the oncologists keep telling me.
He would have been 70 this month. There was quite a gap between us. The explanation, according to my mum, was that she had a miscarriage two or three years after I was born. I don’t know whether it makes medical sense or not, or how she knew, but she said it was due to rhesus incompatibility. Mum had an uncommon blood group that sensitized her to mine, which caused future pregnancies of the wrong type to miscarry.
My dad expanded the story many years later. It happened when we were on holiday in a caravan at Primrose Valley, Filey, on the Yorkshire coast. I don’t know how she dealt with the foetus, but she said she could tell it was a baby girl. I believe she spent a day resting in the caravan and then continued the holiday. No tests, no doctors, no hospitals.
So sorry that you lost your brother so long ago. That's an amazing story about your parents that just shows the resilience of the generation.
ReplyDeletemy mum grew up in a tough agricultural village.
DeleteI cannot begin to imagine what that must have been like for your mother.
ReplyDeleteSuch strength of character.
Yes. In those days you just got on with things.
DeleteYour poor mother.
ReplyDeleteshe said little about it, but knew what she would have called her.
DeleteWhat a dreadful thing for your mum to have to deal with. A sad story from your family’s past.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I am a bit doom and gloom these days.
DeleteSturdy woman your mother. She might have been told about rhesus factor when she conceived your brother - I'm not sure when medical science worked out how to prevent such miscarriages but my first boyfriend was born early because his mum was rhesus negative and she went on to later carry to full term a younger sister for him.
ReplyDeleteIt seems complicated. I don't know.
DeleteIt must be one of the hardest things for a parent to outlive a child, no matter whether that child was unborn or already an adult. And you posting the toddler picture of your brother is touching; you obviously never stopped missing him, as I would never stop missing my sister if she died before me.
ReplyDeleteIt happened to someone we know, too, and she went to full term.
DeleteI remember many years ago the grief of a woman who had given birth to a stillborn baby, even after years had gone by it still brought tears to her eyes.
ReplyDeleteA still born child but be very upsetting.
DeleteThe way that your brother was dealing with the stuffed cat - I am surprised that he did not become a vet specialising in eye surgery. My mother had a miscarriage in 1949 - a little girl - and the thought of her never went away. My wife had two ectopic pregnancies in the 1980s - chances of babies that were never to be.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of children that were never born has always intrigues me. The billions of fertilised eggs and sperm even more so.
DeleteI am an only child and my mother was interrogated when pregnant with me, whether she had had miscarriages. Once I was born, she was told not to have any more. Apparently, back then, if the two parents had clashing Rhesus negative and Rhesus positive blood groups, it caused problems and subsequent children would have died. Nowadays they can control that by giving the foetus a blood transfusion.
ReplyDeleteI believe it can be caused by either husband's or childrens' incompatibility in A-Negative mothers.
DeleteWhat happened to your brother?
ReplyDeleteBowel cancer.
Deletequite the story - your mum sounds pretty formidable!!
ReplyDeleteTough agricultural village. They used to fatten, kill and butcher their own pigs. Ever heard of "pig sticking"?
DeleteI can see a bit of your mother's formidable character echoed in your own writing. Day after day, our Tasker simply "gets on with it".
ReplyDeleteThank you. I wish I also had your energy to go with it.
DeleteWhat a sweet photo of your little brother. My mother, too, had the rhesus incompatibility (I think I would have as well had I had children). My mother is 79 and when she was pregnant with me there was an injection she'd needed in order to carry me to term. Your dear mother had to endure quite a bit in her time.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how seen she found about her A Negative group.
DeleteHappy birthday.
ReplyDeleteIn the sentence you said: " I believe she spent a day resting in the caravan and then continued the holiday. No tests, no doctors, no hospitals. " - are you saying she spent 1 day resting after the stillbirth? if so, wow. and, as the above comment has said, you get your indomitable spirit from her. :)
On the bunk I suppose.
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