In 1974, I fell in love with female singer-songwriters. I suppose the truth is that I fancied them all for their insights and emotions. This music touched me deeply. It was the start of a turbulent few years, and more than any others, these records bring back what those times and places felt like in the most intense way imaginable. Some are now too painful to listen to.
I went straight back to that section in the library, and Carole King’s “No Secrets” was soon on my tape. She had of course been writing a string of hit records for other performers since the late nineteen-fifties, but this was her first solo LP. The arrangements were simpler than “No Secrets”, mainly King and piano, but the quality of the songs was just as impressive. How do you dream up songs like these, I wondered? I had no chance.
Carly Simon started it we that immortal line: “You’re so vain. I bet you think this song is about you.” I spotted her LP “No Secrets” in the wonderful Leeds Record Library, and tape-recorded it. It was sensational: her pitch-perfect, crystal-clear voice; the arrangements, the brilliance of the musicians, and her knack of putting a perfect melody and emotion to any lyric. Who else could write such a tune and verse about childhood friendship as:
“The Carter family lived next door for almost 14 yearsWith Gwen and I inseparable from rag dolls through brassieresThen Gwen began to bore me with her giggles and her fearsThe day the Carters moved away, I had to fake my tearsI told new friends Gwen Carter had become a silly pestAnd then I found I missed her more than I’d ever have guessed”
Oh, and then it had that cover photograph! My copy is from a second-hand shop sometime later.
Joni Mitchell really bowled me over. Again, she had been writing hits since the nineteen-seventies with the likes of “Both Sides Now” (Clouds) and “Big Yellow Taxi”, but her LP “Court and Spark” was a level above. It had a kind of loose-structured melody and lyrics, and unusual arrangements.
Around that time, I had read Victor Pritchett’s “Midnight Oil” about his determination to become a full-time writer in Paris after the First World War. What would it be like to chuck your job and do that? Joni Mitchell’s song “Free Man in Paris”, said to be about the media promoter David Geffen, went round my head for weeks: “I was a free man in Paris, I felt unfettered and alive ...”. I bought “Court and Spark”, and further LPs followed over the following years.
Back in the record library, Laura Nyro’s “Eli and the Thirteenth Confession” drew my eye. I taped that and several others by her, and later bought two LPs, and recently others on CD.
She was incredibly talented. She had been writing songs since the late nineteen-sixties, but was not well known, being little interested in fame. Important musicians such as Elton John cite her as a major influence. I knew some of her songs such as “Wedding Bell Blues” which had been a success for The 5th Dimension. There was something unusual about the melody.
I also envied the way she multi-tracked her songs, building layer upon layer, singing all the harmonies, and playing all the instruments, which was something I would have loved to have been able to do. The title song “Eli’s Coming” is a great example. I wanted multi-track recording kit like this. The sound mixer on my Akai 4000DS tape deck was so limited.
Her songs were like no one else’s. Her tunes, chord sequences, and tempo changes went in completely unexpected directions. She had a powerful 3-octave vocal range that could convey every emotion from pure joy to deep mental pain. It could sometimes be overpowering, but also subtle and delicate, as in the beautiful “Upstairs by a Chinese Lamp”. Sadly, she lived only to 49.
It was as if she understood my own unstable emotions at that time. These were particularly formative years, weighing up other careers, uncertain whether a change was sensible. I bounded from elation to despair: the excitement of imagining the possibilities, talking things over with those who could help, then realising some things were not for me. Could I be a registered mental nurse, or a probation officer, or work in sales or advertising, or be a writer in Paris? Was it realistic to believe I could get into university?
I did get in and very happily changed careers, but can no longer bear to listen to Suzanne Vega. She came a decade later during another emotionally turbulent period. I saw her on stage and was drawn to the wide jangly chords of her guitarist, and her ability to write a good tune. Again, her sombre and depressing songs reflected my mood at that time.
I had been through an unpleasant, abusive relationship. You do not see them coming, and before you know, you have been taken over completely and blame yourself for all that feels wrong. I escaped to a job in Scotland, which was a good career move that later opened doors, but my mother died just as I started. My dad found it almost impossible to bear. I was now at least eight hours away and felt responsible. He visited me, and I hardly recognised the disorientated, shrunken old man stumbling lost along the railway platform. Yet he was only 65. On top of that, I found I was working for a self-absorbed, manipulative pillock of a professor who liked to micro-manage everyone: a jump from one kind of toxic situation to another.
Eventually, I escaped again to a job with a Midlands software company. However, I had little in common with others there. Most were younger for one thing, and unlike the intelligent, educated, university types I had been with, and their wide interests. They laughed loudly at the owner’s offensive sexist and racist jokes in staff meetings, and seemed interested mainly in cars and late-night drinking. “Nice place Bristol”, one said. “Lots of lovely wine bars down by the docks.”
The offices were on the eighth floor of a building with an unprotected, full-height, rear stairwell, where the toilets were. I used to cling to the wall fearing what I might do.
Things gradually improved, especially socially, and I felt more positive. A happy marriage and children came along rather late in life. The job paid well and did wonders for my confidence. But there was a lot of hassle and increasing foreign travel. When the time seemed right, I was glad to return to a university job, albeit for a lower salary.
As I said, this music brings these years back intensely. I would not want Susanne Vega’s songs about solitude and domestic violence to do that. If allowed only one of these records, I would ask Laura Nyro to take me back to the best years. I think she was the most original and talented of all, yes, even more original and talented than Joni Mitchell. Her songs were rarely a simple verse and middle eight, and you could never predict where they might go. I think you hear her influence in both Joni Mitchell and Carly Simon.
I came across this video that tells Laura Nyro’s story and explains her originality (although you have to put up with some rather long and annoying ad breaks). Her story would make a memorable film.
Female singer-songwriters were key to my soundtrack too - especially Joni Mitchell. I was sorry to read this - "I had been through an unpleasant, abusive relationship" but it proved that in the field of abuse it is not just women who suffer - occasionally men can also be victims. You had quite an unusual journey Tasker.
ReplyDeleteMonsters come in all shapes and sizes. It was not physical, but coercive and controlling. Also very subtle. Others fared far worse. I can't say any more.
DeleteA rather lovely description of how your life unfolded, music blending along the way of the journey. I think as far as songs are concerned, we look for the story and how it may reflect our lives. Women of course are far more able to express their feelings (not being sexist there). Probably because we go through endless emotional stories in our head, when we have believed in someone, or a breakdown.
ReplyDeleteThere were other songs and records, as mentioned in earlier posts, but these made a big impact because of their insights and emotions, as I say.
DeleteYour life in five minutes! I connect with some of the music you liked but being a little younger, my music was of the seventies. Oh, the cleverness of David Bowie.
ReplyDeleteNot all of my life, just a few bits. I didn't like Bowie at the time, he has grown on me.
DeleteIt seems that you should not revisit some of these tracks from your younger life, or at least, only briefly. Music is most important to you, performing and listening, and the joy it brings you should be uppermost.
ReplyDeleteIt's Suzanne Vega I should avoid. A friend at the time said how depressing she was. I agree now.
DeleteWhat a great autobiography you gave us. I'm glad that turmoil finally led to a happy marriage and job.
ReplyDeleteThe Scottish episode and just after were almost unbearable, but in those days you just had to get on with things. You didn't talk about mental health or seek counselling. The rest of the time I was fairly happy because I could see progress.
DeleteI have seen Suzanne Vega twice: Glastonbury 1989 and Warsaw 2014. My favourite female singer/ songwriters are Kate Bush, Sandy Denny and Stevie Nicks. Oh I forgot poor old Amy Winehouse.
ReplyDeleteI like those too. Amy Winehouse was amazing.
DeleteFavourite singer-songwriters so often provide the soundtrack of our lives and become synonymous with certain periods of our lives, don't they. Of the ones you mention in this post, my fave is Joni Mitchell. I love her "Blue" album in particular.
ReplyDeleteI love most of Joni Mitchell's stuff, but as a musician of sorts, it has to be Laura Nyro for me. She repays careful listening many times over.
DeleteI remember singing along to the songs of Carly Simon, Carole King, Judy Collins, and Roberta Flack when I was in college. Those are sweet memories from days so long ago.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your life in this thoughtful post.
As many have said, music gives meaning to parts of our lives. I always wished to be able to write songs like those I mention.
DeleteI cannot say that any one singer captured my 'life', but I do know that certain songs will always be a 'trigger' for memories which wash over me as if, once again, I was in some long gone moment. Joni Mitchell is one of those singers. The trigger song for me is "Songs to Aging Children". Bob Dylan's "Tangled Up in Blue". The Police: "Magic". The list goes on and on, like life itself I suppose, except that now, instead of looking forward, I am spending a lot more time looking back.
ReplyDeleteMe too. I also have a long list, but Bob Dylan is not on it because he can't sing, and for me music always has greater meaning than lyrics.
DeleteFunny...I am just the opposite. It is always the words!
DeleteI have to admit that I was not a fan of any of those, although I appreciate their talent. P was a fan though, being somewhat older and probably coupled with the fact that they were all easy on the eye.
ReplyDeleteI was still discovering this music into my 20s and 30s, having ignored much of it at first. I think it is easy to forget how original the Carly Simon record cover was at the time, but it must also have sold rather a lot of music.
DeleteThis was an interesting summary of The Life and Times of Tasker Dunham, giving context and background to what certain music (and those who wrote and performed it) mean to you.
ReplyDeleteSinger/songwriter were never quite my musical world; I am usually more interested in how danceable a song was, and/or how well I can sing along to it (much to everybody's annoyance). But music is definitely a time machine, like scents. It can transport us back to certain moments, or even longer periods in our past.
I admire you for having made the changes necessary to find your place in the world, both in terms of work and private life. Many just stick to the evil they know and never dare to start something new, fearing the unfamiliar above all.
I sometimes wonder how things would have been if I had accepted a job offer at the local accountants on leaving school, and stayed in my home town rather than going to Leeds. Some of those who did became very wealthy.
DeleteThat is a rare kind of sharing. I had never heard of Laura Tyro so I shall go and find and listen to her music.
ReplyDeleteShe was extremely influential to many other song writers, but not well known herself.
Deletean amazingly frank and honest blog.... refreshing to hear a man openly discussing abuse, publicly, on any sense of scale. Your story coupled with your albums felt like an episode of desert island discs.... and you even went as far as describing the one album you'd save above the others...... but what would be your luxury item i wonder?
ReplyDeleteI had not thought of it like Desert Island Discs, so would have to think. I'd like to say more about toxic relationships, but can't, but you can look up the common tricks used, and how destructive it can become.
DeleteI also should emphasise that played only a part in things which were pretty much resolved until all the other things that were going on occurred and added to it.
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