Some have very good memories for jokes. They can reel them off one after another seemingly for hours. Professional comedians such as Ken Dodd and Bob Monkhouse could keep going all day.
On the other hand, I have always struggled to remember jokes. But just as with memorable things people have said, as I wrote in the last but one post, I can remember quite clearly when and where I heard the few I do remember, and who told them. Again, I suspect this short list (which contains mild bad language but nothing too unseemly) reveals a lot about me.
This came from Brenden in the shared house in Leeds, about 1973.
A man walked into a public lavatory and slipped on a large slick of urine on the floor, and landed on his back in it.
He stood up soaking wet.
A second man then came in, slipped in the same way, and also ended up on his back in the pool of urine.
“I just did that,” the first man said.
“You dirty bugger,” said the second man. “You should get it cleaned up.”
I like these wordplay transposition jokes. This was from PC, another in the shared house around the same time.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a bumpy road?
One knackers your tyres. The other tires your knackers.
A similar one, from my brother while he was at university, involves a bad marksman and a constipated owl. The bad marksman shoots but can’t hit.
Here is one from the radio while I was waiting in the car for my wife about 20 years ago. It was told by Clement Freud on the programme ‘Just A Minute’. I consider it a perfect joke, with a surprise punch line, and an inbuilt logic that creates a wonderful image. I never tire of this one.
How does a blind parachutist know when he is near the ground?
The dog’s lead goes slack.
My wife does not have a good memory for jokes, either. I suppose we place more value on our own humour. But here is one she does remember.
What do you call someone who used to like tractors?
An extractor fan.
That, sadly, is the paltry sum total of what I can dredge out of my head at this moment. I won’t be applying to go on Jokers Wild.
Good ones! People who have a quick wit are often very amusing, but one who irritates me, for no known reason, is Milton Jones. He's quick, he's clever, but I can't listen to him.
ReplyDeletethis is an accurate description of milton jones and it made me laugh
DeleteThe ones I find hard to listen to are those who seem to be forcing humour, rather than effortlessly.
DeleteBear goes into a diner and asks for a grilled cheese………..sandwich. Waiter asks why the big pause? Bear says I don’t know, I was born with them. Gigi
ReplyDeleteBrilliant.
DeleteDesperately trying to think of one to put here. But nope, nothing comes to mind.
ReplyDeleteSame as me.
DeleteI am just the same. I laugh at jokes that tickle me but I can never remember them. I made this one up when I was a boy...
ReplyDelete"What did the crab say to the self-centred oyster?.... Don't be so shellfish!"
HA-HA-HA-HA!
I say something like that every time I visit Whitby.
DeleteWhen my little brother was around 9 or 10 years old he made up a joke that he shared with us ... quite often(!) ...
ReplyDelete"Why did the boy push his bike? ... Because it was a pushbike"
For some reason he seemed to find this hilarious 😏
It's better than many.
DeleteDid you hear about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field.
ReplyDeleteGroan!
DeleteYou've remembered some pretty good jokes! What usually happens to me is I think I remember a joke, start telling it, and then discover I've forgotten the punchline. That's embarrassing!
ReplyDeleteSome would find that funny in itself. I've learned to think them right through before I start.
DeleteSorry, this is Bonnie at It Seems Like Only Yesterday.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Bonnie.
Deletethose are all good jokes.....
ReplyDeleteWhat's the difference between a Scotsman and Mickey Mouse?
A Scotsman wears a kilt, but Walt Disney!
I laughed out loud at that. Thank you.
DeleteThere was once a captain of a fine ship, and his cabin boy was sure that no one was braver or truer than his captain. One day the captain and the cabin boy stood on deck when crew member rushed up exclaiming, "Cap'n! Cap'n! A ship flying the jolly roger is heading straight for us on the starboard side." The captain snaps: "Ready the crew for battle! Arm the cannons!" To the cabin boy he says, "Fetch me my red shirt and be quick about it!" The boy does as he is told, but as the captain changes his shirt, the boy asks: "Why are you changing into a red shirt?" The captain says, "I am the captain, and my men look to me for inspiration and courage. I must lead the way, and never falter. My crew will fight on, because I am fighting with them. I wear the red shirt so that if I am wounded, my men do not see the blood, become frightened and lose heart." And the boy listens to his captain, filled with pride at his bravery. Just then another crew member rushes up. "Captain, a second pirate ship approaches from the port side!" The captain turns to the cabin boy and snaps, "Boy! Fetch me my brown pants!"
ReplyDeleteGood one. As lavatorial as some of mine (and I don't mean my drown pants).
DeleteThere are certainly some memorable ones there. I like the blind parachute joke.
ReplyDeleteI told this to a couple of my partner's family in Newcastle.
An official from Newcastle United came running up the club president. Sir, sir. There's been a fire at St James' Park.
The cups man. What about the cups? Are they safe?
Yes Sir, the fire didn't reach the kitchen.
Oh dear! But the blind parachute one is probably the funniest joke I know.
DeleteThat exceeds my joke repertoire.
ReplyDeleteI know only a few more, but they are either not funny or unrepeatable.
DeleteWhether a joke tickles me or not depends very much on my mood. Like most of us here have said, my ability to remember (and tell!) jokes is poor, and of those I know, most are in German and wouldn't work in English.
ReplyDeleteThere was the Monty Python sketch about translating the funniest joke in the world to use as a weapon in the First World War. It was important that the English soldiers could not understand it so weren't injured.
DeleteI know that sketch very well, and love it! Ernest Scribbler and his mother are unforgettable characters.
DeleteCan't tell a joke for the life of me, the only one I know has a religious connotation and people never get the last line. But it makes me laugh!
ReplyDeleteIt amuses me when people don't understand a joke. I must have a sadistic streak in me.
DeleteAll good for a hoot during my break in wrestling with blackberry vines. I always loved Just a Minute with Clement Freud at the helm.
ReplyDeleteI believe there are Just A Minute collections one can listen to.
Delete